I see people all around me, in happy relationships. It doesn't make me feel happy for them, but sorry for myself. I have no one to turn to who can help me anymore, and no one to alleviate the pain. I don't know what to do.
Christmas didn't help, either. I hate the family get-togethers. It will be a five day one coming up here, for New Years. All my family does is sit around and talk religion, and as such, bash such "devient" habits as homosexuality, and sx before marriage, both of which I'm guilty of. I sit with them, and bash every bit of who I am, and lie to them all. I can't do this anymore, but I can't tell them either. If something doesn't give, I'm going to snap. God knows what'll happen then.
FP
Religion is a way to get comfort, since there are things that we cannot explain using our rational, scientific and analytical mind and is therefore not a complete nor perfect phenomena.
So you are an emotional wreak. It seems to be a big deal for you. Been there, done that. The same goes for a lot of people. But you know what? They handle it. That is what you are going to do as well.
Don't let unintelligent, prejudice and ignorant people control your life.
Don't let the thoughts consume you. You live in the real world, in reality, not in some distant diffuse world of sensitivity. Use that force that is making you snap to snap out of it.
My method of approach when I get like that is to focus on something else that I enjoy. But then again, you probably know this already.
No one knows you better than yourself, not even your previous partner. People surpass similar situations all the time. It is time for you to do the same. You have the same fundamental basis as anyone else. It is time for you to show it, if not only to yourself. If others can do it, so can you.
I understand the loniliness. Feeling that there is no one out there for you, or no one that understands you. But having a boyfriend does not necessarily make that any better, its a total trust and openess issue. You do have people around that care and will try to help (like Dan and I.)
However, back to point. Loniliness... I know you aren't one to go out and find a boyffriend just to fill that hole, but I'll suggest against it anyways just to let you know that I don't think that just picking up any guy off the street is going to help you ,at all.
When you see people in happy relationships I can totally relate its like why can't I be there kinda deal. Well can I let you know one thing. Relationships are rarely as "happy" as they seem on the surface, I remember reading something awhile back saying that people in relationships who seem to be totally lovey dovey in public rarely are quite that good in private.
Yes, I can see how Christmas would be hard for you considering your situation.
Having to lie to keep yourself good in the eyes of your family would definately be one of the most hurtful things I'd ever have to do if I had to do it. Those kind of lies are much a vicious cycle, I've noticed in others and myself that when I continue these kind of lies they eat at my will power and how I identify myself... Seeing as how I don't see how that made much sense, I'll reword it.
Umm.. basically when you portray a lie or something fake or a mask to hide behind, its really hard to not use that mask or lie when trying to be honest.. its much like you become the lie kind of deal. Hmm... sometimes I don't know when I'm lying to people and when I'm not because I believe my own lies. Please don't get that far gone. Try and be honest whenever possible. I know you are good at arguing and making your case so I'd suggest you no longer agree with them so much, don't take their side. But due to your family issues also don't openly admit it... if you get what I'm saying.
Fp I have to say I think there is much more to you then just your homosexuality and having sex before marriage (which no one does anymore, so is therefore of little consequence.) So to say that you are bashing everything about yourself is untrue. There are many things about you that I'm sure your family is not bashing. Such as your personality, intelligence, and so on...
Anyways. I hope I helped. I don't really know what you mean by you snapping, but stick by your new years resolution. And no matter what buddy I'm here for ya.
Being single is the greatest thing that can happen to a person after a long, complicated relationship, relish the freedom it brings.
I did. Now I just want someone to hold. More than anything...
You feel a bit lonely without a partner, which is sort of good. At least then you are in my view, that much more human. It all really depends on what you spend all your thinking time on. Be happy with all the things you have so far socially however, and get around to having someone in the future out of finding someone, rather than out of desperation.
I really do get what you are talking about though, but there is a time and a place for all of us. We can't be in a relationship all of the time of our lives. Perhaps later, perhaps soon, but not right now.
As for your family gathering... just ignore them...
just...ignore them you know there wrong..just laugh and grin. along with the being single thing, sorry. idk what to say
you know there wrong..just laugh and grin.
along with the being single thing, sorry. idk what to say
That is just the thing... to some degree, I agree with them.
=( well i dont know i feel kinda empty too. i guess its just a matter of moving on. it also doesnt help that i have no friends to talk to about it.
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