At age 20 I finally decided that maybe I am ready, so I gave it a go and told my mother. She did not take it how I expected, she was in denile and tried to convince me that I am wrong or confused. So many questions, none of them helping the situation. She could probably see that I was not happy, in fact I almost fainted the minute the words left my mouth. She then says things like "Don't worry, go to the doctor and get some testosterone or something" and laughs like this is some joke. Well, at that moment I felt like killing myself. I never thought I would be one of those people, my life wasn't so bad, and I know it's so over stated but the truth is money doesn't buy happiness, and now I can attest to that. It was the worst feeling of my life.

After that moment, it took me a long time to get over the feeling. It's still not completely gone, I am still always depressed (or at least I think thats what it is, I have never been diagnosed with anything cause I have never told anyone that either). Even more, I am now absolutely terrified to come out to anyone else, and its not like it will just run its course, I am not stereotypical in any way, no one has a clue.

I still can't believe I am here writing this, I never thought I would be one of those people with these issues, but I guess thats the way life is, unfair. I wish I could just have a normal life, why did I get fucked over with this crap.

Well, here I am now, I feel like I am past my due date for coming out, everyone my age has long surpassed that moment and has been in relationships with so many people already. I have not even told anyone let alone done anything. How sad is that? I am going to be out of college any time now and when will I get a chance after that? Seriously, what do I have to live for? Not that I am saying I am suicidal, but seriously?

So, I know this is probably one of thousands of stories on here, all about someone who wants pitty, but please don't think it that way. That is not what I want, I want answers. I need help.

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Never regret anything that made you smile

It's good that you came out, as that more than likely takes a lot of courage to do, especially to your family. She may not have taken it well initially but eventually she'll come around. As she's your mother, you should know she cares for you and that even if this still bugs her, it won't override her maternal instincts one would think. Your life doesn't seem that bad, it's just got some current problems that you're dealing with that are weighing you down and you're feeling the effects is all really. We all have those moments, even those happy-go-lucky people that I'm sure you've seen at least once in your life

Don't be ashamed to talk to people who could possibly help you with your depression. Hiding things like this won't help you at all. Seeing someone about this could be more help than you realize. About you not being stereotypical, in a way that's a good thing. The attitude you carry can show to others who know you that not all gay people have to be super flamboyant and wear loopy colors all the time.

The word "normal" is pretty relative when you think about it. No one is truly normal, yet we all are at the same time. Things like what you're dealing with are a normal occurrence in life of the new millennium believe it or not.

Best answer I could give you relies on self confidence. Are you willing to do something that you know will be hard at first, and even a mite bit embarrassing, if only to reap the rewards of it? By that I mean are you able to build up your confidence/strength in yourself to come out to others, and accept you for what you are? It shouldn't matter how others treat you, as long as you love yourself, others will more than likely follow. As a man, at 20, I'm sure you know the answers to your dilemma better than you think you do. I hope this helped

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No need for negativity

The first thing I want to address is the fact that you're not alone in your feelings, whatsoever. So many people don't come out 'til they're 20, 30, 40, it's something which many people find incredibly difficult to do and a lot of people are in denial about. At least you have the conviction, and the courage, to realise that you are gay. Take comfort in that fact, and you should be proud of yourself. It would be so much easier to pretend otherwise, at least you have the courage to know yourself, and to recognise your problems and face up to them.

It was incredibly brave of you to come out to your mother, and I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to, or had hoped it would. Hopefully, given time she will begin to come around to the fact that you're gay. She may not, but there is always hope. You are not living your life to satisfy her though, and at the end of the day, it is your happiness which is most important. You need to start living your life for you.

Coming out is incredibly difficult for some people. It takes courage, and strength, both of which I think, deep down inside, you have in bundles. Otherwise you wouldn't have told your mother. You cannot let your mother's reaction stop you from coming out further. You've started on the hard work, why let it go to waste now?

Have you thought about telling a close friend or group of friends? They're far more likely to be accepting and to support you, and this would be a boost to your confidence. What you really need is to find people who will accept you for who you are, and that will make it so much easier. Surround yourself with people who love you, and eventually, the world won't seem such a bad place. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I hope this has been some help. Feel free to PM me, or carry on replying in this topic. I wish you the best of luck in the world.

*Matt

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Who got the love?

You got the love.