I've recently been diagnosed with a life time illness. It's not life threatening and I'm really damned grateful it's not. I'm not going to say what it is, or confirm any suspicions because I don't really want it to define me, that's my problem.
Symptoms include many things, that separately you wouldn't think a problem exists. Headache, nausea, lethargy, decreased libido, cold hands and feet, sore muscles, constipation, memory loss and depression.
It's affecting me day-to-day. I'm constantly tired, sore muscles, and I've noticed the memory loss more lately. The headache and nausea I just can't control. It's affected my diet to the point where I barely eat a thing, and people often wonder why I still exist, more or less.
What my problem is, is dealing with it. It's just a diagnosis. I am not serious enough to receive medical treatment so it's not been formally discussed with a doctor yet. So I'm left in limbo until it gets worse. And it can only get worse. Because of this, I've just been putting it to the back of my mind. Forgetting it's there, but then suddenly I'm like "Fuck, I'm stuck with this FOREVER" and it really depresses me.
Are there ways of coming to terms with it or anything? Without ignoring it's a condition I have, and will not get rid of? Because each time I think about it, I'm back at square one, back on the bottom rung of the ladder, sliding back down that snake.
I know it's not life threatening, and like I said, I'm more than grateful that that's the case. But it's still something quite large and rather important to me.