me, on the other hand
Im starting to realize that all this #### IS a big deal.
I have plans to kill myself by the nd of the year
and im too afraid to tell them tht i DO need help.
all i can think of doing is like,
cutting somewhere where it will bleed SO MUCH
that I have to go to te hopsital
and then maybe they'll understand.

but then thats just attention seeking
which i dont want to do.
I just want them to realize this might be serious.
*dont hate me for osting this and dont think im an attention whore :/

As for telling your parents, just tell them. Or you can talk to a doctor. That might help more. Like, you "get sick" and need to see the doctor. Then when you're there, tell them you want help but don't know how and are afraid to tell your parents. Your doctor can then set up a situation where you can tell your parents and get what you need. It will probably be hard though. You have to prepare yourself. Nothing in life is easy, but it's totally worth the hard parts.

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In a city made of steel
The concrete rage is all we feel

Oh and believe me, if you cut yourself and land in the hospital, they won't understand either. I got extremely frustrated with my parents and peers not understanding, so frustrated that I almost killed myself and they put me in there for a week, and it didn't change a fucking thing. In fact, it seems like it added more stigma. I'm not being mean, this does fucking suck, but it's just reality and I don't want to you to go through more in an effort to make things better and only make them worse.

While I think everyone has the right to do whatever they want with themselves, even commit suicide, I don't think you actually want to die. Suicidal thoughts from emotional troubles are understandable, but I would just ask that before you go through with something so drastic, you gain a different worldview to re-examine it. I don't know your situation so I can't really comment too much on it, but I did conquer depression by myself. And this wasn't just some little thing. This was a serious thing that all the 'doctors' thought would kill me. If I hadn't changed I'd probably be dead by now, and things definitely still aren't good, but they're better. To me it seems like you want a way out of wherever you're at, and that was the case with myself before. It was a long and painstaking process, and I am facing new challenges, but once again, it is better. I don't know if this makes any sense, but regardless of what people may say, that its a life long thing, it isn't. I'm living proof of that.

Post edited at 11:56 pm on Nov. 19, 2008 by prisoner of hss

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the one and only serious forum troll

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I don't know if this makes any sense, but regardless of what people may say, that its a life long thing, it isn't. I'm living proof of that.

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I have a couple problems with you approach:
A) you seem to feel like seeking help is not going to help

B) That these things fix themselves if you only try.

C) It is a lifelong thing.

Seeking help is the first step. Did therapy help me? Yes, but not in the way you'd (plural) assume. Therapy took me out of my situation long enough to evaluate why I was there. This didn't happen the first time, it took several years. That's the point of therapy, for YOU to figure out why YOU'RE there. This is why therapy is good and therapy works, if you expect anything else of it, you're not going to get it.

Depression, mood disorders, self-injury, eating disorders, etc. don't go away and even if you try your hardest, you'll probably still suffer problems. Trying is not enough when you're hard-wired to react a certain way. I don't want to say that you can't stop or solve these problems by yourself, because you can, but your own actions need to be supplemented by something else. If for no other reason than we, living in our own experience, aren't objective so we don't see all the angles for what we are experiencing. I, for a long time, thought I was cutting myself because my father left. It was really, very, very much more complicated than that and it took therapy (a.k.a. soul-searching with help) to that out.

As for it being life-long, it is. These impulses will still be there, and it is a day-to-day concious decision that you don't indulge in your impulses. After a long enough time you may go several days without conciously thinking "I'm not going to do this today," but there will be times when you have to convince yourself not to. 11 months since I last cut (over a period of 10+ years) and now I usually don't have to think about it, but sometimes I have to sit down and say "you're not doing this today." It does get easier, and that's the point, but don't say that it goes away. It doesn't, you just get better at dealing with it.

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In a city made of steel
The concrete rage is all we feel

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A) you seem to feel like seeking help is not going to help

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B) That these things fix themselves if you only try.

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C) It is a lifelong thing.

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Seeking help is the first step. Did therapy help me? Yes, but not in the way you'd (plural) assume. Therapy took me out of my situation long enough to evaluate why I was there. This didn't happen the first time, it took several years. That's the point of therapy, for YOU to figure out why YOU'RE there. This is why therapy is good and therapy works, if you expect anything else of it, you're not going to get it.

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Depression, mood disorders, self-injury, eating disorders, etc. don't go away and even if you try your hardest, you'll probably still suffer problems. Trying is not enough when you're hard-wired to react a certain way. I don't want to say that you can't stop or solve these problems by yourself, because you can, but your own actions need to be supplemented by something else. If for no other reason than we, living in our own experience, aren't objective so we don't see all the angles for what we are experiencing.

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I, for a long time, thought I was cutting myself because my father left. It was really, very, very much more complicated than that and it took therapy (a.k.a. soul-searching with help) to that out.

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As for it being life-long, it is. These impulses will still be there, and it is a day-to-day concious decision that you don't indulge in your impulses. After a long enough time you may go several days without conciously thinking "I'm not going to do this today," but there will be times when you have to convince yourself not to. 11 months since I last cut (over a period of 10+ years) and now I usually don't have to think about it, but sometimes I have to sit down and say "you're not doing this today." It does get easier, and that's the point, but don't say that it goes away. It doesn't, you just get better at dealing with it.

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You're confusing 'conquering depression' with 'sweeping depression under the rug'. If you still have urges to do something for an emotional reason, you haven't conquered it. I have ZERO trace whatsoever of my past self, because my basic worldview is utterly incompatible with being depressed. Am I incredibly cynical and irritated? Yes. But not depressed.

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the one and only serious forum troll

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Other things can 'take you out of the situation'. Especially since the person one is seeing is often sub-par, mis-understanding, and bombarding you with inaccurate information. Being away from the worst certainly does help, but again, there are other ways.

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I actually don't really condone taking someone out of their situation. I haven't had success that way anyway, it just made things worse when I had to go back in. But, it is a worth a try. The only reason I suggest it is because it can help people and help them, but it can be dangerous to do it by yourself. Disassociation is one way to take yourself out of your situation and is accomplished very easily when you self-injure.

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The thing is I did, by myself, overcome my problems. Maybe not in a bubble; events around me certainly did help, but I was the primary reason. And I'm not going to pretend you can just 'will' yourself out of it, I tried it many times and it didn't work. The main reason for this is that being 'emotionally messed up' becomes a kind of comfort to cling to for the majority, a constant, etc. It's not something that the mind WANTS to change because psychological states stick when the environment is constant. However, if your worldview/perspective massively shifts, things will change. That's how it changed for me.

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I can honestly say I am happy for you and I believe you. But I don't think everyone else is the same. There is a HUGE paradigm shift that needs to happen, because you can't always change your surroundings, and you may not even want to, there just may be one aspect of your environment that is affectly you so severely. Part of it for me was my mother. I had a couple options: cut off all contact with my mother, learn how to cope with her completely, or limit my time with her. For me, it was limit my time with her. For me, I had to make a paradigm shift, and that did solve part of my problem. But self-injury is usually also an indicator of something deeper, usually past trauma or chemical imbalances and that you can't always change with a paradigm shift.

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 You're confusing 'conquering depression' with 'sweeping depression under the rug'. If you still have urges to do something for an emotional reason, you haven't conquered it. I have ZERO trace whatsoever of my past self, because my basic worldview is utterly incompatible with being depressed. Am I incredibly cynical and irritated? Yes. But not depressed.

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I, personally, think my urges stem from a) I did it for so long it really is habitual, which is the easy part and b) I am addicted to endorphines, which is also pretty easy. The hard part of that is I associate emotions with endorphines and I had to change my thinking to one of emotions = ???? I'm kind of stuck there, but it's been less than a year on my own.

I agree with a lot of what you're saying. I guess I just feel that you (plural) should go to a professional first, because they can help with the baby steps. I think it's great to take it on your own after time, you kind of have to unless you have limitless money. But I just feel it's risky to try to analyze things within yourself without a little help first is all.

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In a city made of steel
The concrete rage is all we feel