"Just friends" -- LiveWire Teen Forums

Anyone who plays the role of nice guy who has been attracted to a girl only to find down the road that she "really treasures" your friendship or some such nonsense has heard and identified with the phrase "just friends." Women must subconsciously even be aware of the fact that this is somehow a lesser mode of relationship when compared with an intimate, romantic relationship as indicated by the modifier "just"...as in "oh we're not dating, we're JUST friends." This has been a source of pain for me pretty much my entire life and is the reason why I go out at night, get blacked out, and end up fucking some bar-trash whore. There have been many posts on many of these pathetic, whining, discussion forums all of which seem to profess different methods for either avoiding or ameliorating some sap's "just friends" scenario. I've seen women advise these guys to give ultimatums such as " i want this relationship to be more, or I don't think we can see each other anymore." I've seen guys tell other guys they need to engage in all kinds of buffoonery in order to signal their desire for a woman. No one really touches on the truthful friendship which becomes a bout of one-sided unrequited love. By way of exploration and explanation I will use the following scenario:

A young man (R) and woman (D) meet through mutual friends and become amicable acquaintances. Time passes and the frequency with which they "hang-out" seems to steadily increase, but, the young woman has recently begun dating another young man in another town (long distance relationship). Things progress and R and D become habitual compatriots, sharing many good times. Over the course of these interactions the two find out that they share many of the same interests and are, in fact, quite happy to spend time with one another. More time passes and trouble arises in D's relationship, prompting her to call R for his advice. R is used to such scenarios and, as a friend, genuinely cares to help D with her problems. He is successful and D's relationship continues. R and D continue to grow closer and closer until they are spending every day together or talking daily etc. D then breaks up with her boyfriend, prompting R's interest in her to become more than friendly. However, R also understands that she is probably quite emotional and he genuinely cares about her emotional stature and would never want to make life more complicated so he remains her friend with no mention of any attraction he may feel. D gets back together with her old beau only to break it off for good after an extremely short interval. D calls R everyday, even when she just wants to sit silently on the phone and talk of the extremely banal. By now R has cultivated quite an attraction for D. D has other guy friends, though, who put her on the spot and give her such ultimatums as described above (i.e. Either we're friends or we're nothing). This distresses D and of course she comes to R for help, which he offers as detached from his own emotion as possible. You see he truly loves her and honestly couldn't bear to lose her from his life but the cycle is torturous.

This scenario must stem from somewhere...why is R always getting himself into situations like this? Being attracted to unavailable women, or getting into relationships that always end up as friendships-- The answer may have something to do with the bullshit women feed men in order to dodge advances. You see, women constantly say they want the nice guy but go for the jerk; they say that the strongest romantic relationships come from friendships which blossom into love while at the same time use friendship as an excuse not to take a relationship further ("we can't, it would ruin the friendship"). It seems to me that women are simply manipulative hypocrites. I am the guy who changes the tires, helps with the relationship troubles, genuinely cares about the problems and fears and I am this because I do not enter into a relationship under some formal pretext. I don't start talking to a woman with the idea "hey i might become attracted to this person so i better not be too nice or understanding right now otherwise she'll never have me." You see, I think the real problem isn't me. I do whatever I can in any situation for any of my friends--male or female. I always have, I probably always will. People, in our society at least, view (perhaps subconsciously) kindness as a weakness while still in a juvenile, immature mindset. If you are genuinely kind and understanding people write you off and walk all over you. The nicer you are, the more people take for granted your kindness and the more your own emotional needs will be neglected. Women have gone so far as to claim that they are so insecure that a guy who is nice to them is too good for them so they don't even bother with him, unfortunately this doesn't make sense when the guy approaches the girl in a romantic light as she rebuffs his attempts under the above mentioned pretense "it would ruin the friendship"...you see he obviously thinks your good enough or he wouldn't have asked, so the truth of the matter is women don't really know what they want, they just assume that if a guy is willing to voluntarily enter into a relationship without going through all the usual dating-game bullshit, it's too easy, and they must not be worth it. God forbid people should be honest and open in their communication. I personally refuse to play dating games: if i like a girl and get her number, and feel like calling her the next day, i do. Usually she doesn't answer and i leave a message--"hey its me, had a good time last night, i'd like to get together sometime, give me a call back." Usually they don't call back and I don't give a fuck, never call them again, and thats that. So, I end up only knowing the girls who become friendly--and then friends--with me thereby perpetuating the whole cycle. Thus, I will end up old, drunk and alone because women are going to let a nice guy go to waste in favor of several jackasses who will use them, neglect them, and eventually kick them to the curb where I will have to console them and cajole them out of their melancholy only to watch them enter into another cataclysmic endeavor. So, please, allow me to become embittered and lonely with a nice bottle of scotch, i don't need any more friends.

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